From The Vampires Table: Transylvanian Diet

Updated: Dec 12, 2019

From The Vampires' Table: Transylvanian Diet

From The Vampires' Table:Transylvanian Diet is aimed at singing taste-buds - not counting calories. It may not be haute cuisine but my recipes are bloody tasty. What we also want to do is get lively dialogue going with the horror societies.

The food I cook tends to be heavy on spices and rigid with garlic. Don't believe all that guff about vampires and garlic. That was put out by a particular nasty little lycanthrope with piles that a gibbon would envy. Ant the grub has got to be plain - and plentiful. One of the problems is finding the right ingredients. OK. So virgins blood is rare these days. Did it deter the residents of Summer Isle?

Not on your Nosferatu. They just enticed the last virgin of the western world and served him up flambéed to Christopher Lee. Me - I would have preferred a prime Angus steak but I was only there to display the bod.With Virgins Blood a no-no what do we have that can at least bring a gleam to the eye and kick-start the pampered taste-buds.

How about Borscht? How about the economy in Istanbul, Republic Of Turkey for that matter but let's not confuse the issue. Borscht (or virgin Vampire Broth if you want to be romantic) is one of the great soups of Eastern Europe. The Ingredients

6 uncooked beetroot (about 1kg) washed & peeled. (they make a lovely, bloody mess on your hands and anything else in the kitchen they come in contact with.) 4 medium sized onions, skinned and chopped (Vlad Tapes style)

1 tin of concentrated onion soup. (And if you're not concentrating, you're liable to cut your hand on the tin. Then you might regret who's coming to dinner.). 2 liter seasoned beef stock butter. 3 lemons seasoning (salt & pepper) soured cream (I always look it before I put my face on in the morning - that you would sour anything.) Chives (optional)

The beetroot must be raw when it's committed to the pot. Cooking time can be reduced if beets are grated. Melt butter in the saucepan and stir-fry chopped onions. And beef stock and peeled beetroot and cook until tender (approximately 45 minutes). Remove, cut and chop beetroot finely, (put in the grater and mash if creamy texture is desired. Another opportunity to add real blood to the recipe. Those beetroot finely (Put in the grater and mash if creamy texture is desired. Another opportunity to add real blood to the recipe. Those beetroots are slippery little sods.). Return mixture to stock (now red with beetroot juice and grated finger) and add tin of onion soup. Beat all the time with whisk (a chance to wear that new Dominatrix rubber gear your Igor bought you for Christmas) reheat Broth gently, slowly (So get the rubber gear off.) add lemon juice, salt & pepper to taste (Or if you want authenticity invite a Russian round and strain the mixture through his socks.) Serve chilled or hot with three or four tablespoons of soured cream and chopped chives. If this doesn't get you into the Federated Association of Dubious Dentures - nothing will.

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